Just after I hung up the phone, her assistant walked into my office with a beet-red face and told me that, "it was the funniest thing she ever saw in her life. If you could have only seen her face," and that for years she had wished  "to have the guts to stick it to her like that."

It's a tough job being a slacker-wise-ass, but someone has to do it. It feels good to be the voice of the majority sometimes, even if to do so I have to come up with these stupid little meaningless acts in my obviously distorted mind.

I just love companies that call to ask me my opinion on their products.

It started out with a trip to Connecticut with plans of going to Six Flags New England. It is one sweet park. I was surprised to see that they actually had a beer stand. Which, was a very good thing. Thanks to Chad, Jen, and Jen for the invite, it was a most excellent weekend. I never used to be a person that would even attempt to ride "roller-coasters", but in essence Jen forced me to. Hey, even I can admit when I am out-gunned. And I gave in, what can I say, she is a sweetheart. Last, but certainly not least, on Sunday we headed to The Meadowlands to watch the Penn State Kick-off classic. The Lions faced off against USC. They didn't fair very well, being that the score ended up 29-5. It was still a great game and my first trip to The Meadowlands.

Many thanks to all that made it happen, mainly Jen, Jen, Chad and their parents.

I had to drink coffee. I think the bachelor weekend at Penn State really wore me down. But after two quick cups of my special freshly-ground coffee, I was back to feeling alive, awake, and above all, chipper again.

I think overall, everyone had a really great time this weekend. Friday night we just hung around the house and guzzled some beer and watched some ...."movies". Everyone, except for myself, blacked out around midnight. For some reason, I have this strange ability to stay awake too long. Which brings me to my next problem, arising early. Although there was no earthly reason for me to wake up early, my body does so anyway. Everyone was alive again at around 8:00am. Deciding there was nothing else of consequence to do, we had breakfast. Beer.

You can tell that your party is in for some serious shenanigans when you hear:

Contestant #1, "We really should leave this place and hit a few bars already..."
Contestant #2, "Why bother, we can just hang out here for a while."
Contestant #1, "No, we have to leave. We are out of beer."
Contestant #2, "True, it is 10:30am for God's sake."

We did eventually drag ourselves out into the sunshine and got some lunch as well as a few 23oz. drafts for $2.00. To make a long story short (too late), we stumbled around Penn State University from bar to bar, before heading back for a late night food raid, and then eventually we drifted off to a quiet slumber.

I had discovered that the company that installed our Digital PBX and internal voicemail system are basically a group of mental midgets. They created around two thousand extra voicemail boxes then we would ever need. So today, after about six months of use, the voicemail was reporting that "the system capacity is at maximum, and no more recordings can be made."

After some searching in the internet, I found the software to edit the voicemail. Then I learned that there is no easy way to delete multiple mailboxes. We decided to try some different methods to accomplish this effortlessly, and here is my favorite:

The people that I consider the most dangerous to my own well being are the computer users that have a small bit of knowledge. These people mutter things like "Oh, I know what I'm doing, so I just started to delete some stuff from my hard drive, to speed it up a little bit." Then their system is on my repair bench because they somehow deleted important "stuff".

I really do hate to say this next phrase, but it has to be done. You Mac People piss me off. It's not so much that you like Macs; I have no problem with that. It's the fact that you must inform us PC people of it every three minutes. "These PC's are useless, I need my good old Mac. It's faster, runs better, and it has a pretty case color." Some Mac people think they are in their own unique world. Stay there and leave me alone.

"If my computer doesn't notice that I am not looking, maybe this program will finally work the way I want it to."

I have a portable infrared ink-jet printer that I use on occasion with my laptop. I just love how Windows likes to tell me every time that I turn the printer off. "Communication with Infrared Device Lost".

Chad, Jen, Mike, and I decided to hit the sports bar Rookies for some buffalo wings and beer. After having multiple pitchers of said beer, we came up with a plan.  THE plan, actually.  On the way home, we decided that at the next red stop light, we were determined to pull a "Chinese Fire Drill".  Just as we are entering back into the car, we see some lovely flashing lights!

Officer: "I know I didn't just see you run around in my street..."
...Silence...
Officer: "Maybe I was just seeing things..."
Since he was talking to the sober driver who DIDN'T exit the vehicle, I added, "Technically sir, she didn't. It was all us."
Officer: "Get out of here."