Looking forward to hanging out with some of the guys. Just a relaxing weekend away from the usual hustle of things. Everyone needs time to unwind. Some of us just do it in different ways then others. Some choose to read a book while we like to throw a little party and act like idiots.

Recently, the school district purchased 150 new PC's to finish off a three year plan to put at least one system in every one of our classrooms. Not to mention key areas as well.

After installing a new system in an office, I tend to check back in a few days just to see how the "breaking in" process is moving along. This is probably a bigger mistake then when Van Halen dumped David Lee Roth.

I checked back with a person who has a MASTER'S DEGREE to see how she was doing. She stated, "Fine, except for the odd smell."

I wasn't quite sure what she meant, and I was really too petrified to ask.

"It must be from the exhaust from the motor inside or something" she said, "but it seems to go away after the first few hours."

Uhhhhhhhhhhh...

It was the smell that you always get when you open a box with new electronics in it. After being in her office all morning, she would naturally get used to it.

This is almost as crazy as someone wearing a holster for a Nerf Samurai Bat! Almost I said...

Again, I have a solution. I am going to compile a list of people that I could really just plain old do without. I am then going to write a letter to NASA and ask to reserve some cargo space on the next few Space Shuttles. I will then gather up all these "skunks", load them in the shuttle's cargo bay, and launch them into space. This would make me feel all warm and snuggly inside. Why not make it a national effort? Send me a list of people you would like to see disappear and I will attach it to my letter.

"My Pride and Joy".

Im sure it is hard to see what exactly it is. I removed my Athlon 650 CPU, scanned it, and did a little touch up. I printed it on our color laser printer and stuck it in the frame.

The main problem is that I would have to retire from the MIS career to become a full-time tattoo artist. The other problem isn't quite as obvious. It may be reserved for the male persuasion of the species, but nevertheless, it still is a problem. Once someone is branded a certain type of person, or it is noted that they belong to a certain group or faction of people, no matter how ridiculous, they become proud of it. Even if I am pointing out that they are completely incompetent, they are still proud to be a part of something. The next thing I know there will be people scattered everywhere yelling, "Hey look! I'm a moron too!"

Then you know what happens. They get together and multiply. And you know what happens when you cross two stupids? You get stupid squared. That's all I need.

I think I have found the solution. I am going to have to practice a while, but I should be able to get the hang of making these people remember their passwords. The solution? A tattoo machine. I will tattoo their passwords to the palm of their hand. Now I can be assured that there is NO way the password can be forgotten.  Here is a quick example of what I mean. I will use the password "MORON" as an example.

Recently the school district purchased about $40,000 worth of ATM network equipment from Fore Systems. Fore sent some of their, ahem, best men to install the stuff. They were supposed to use a fractional T-1 to connect the main campus to a remote site. This was their fourth try and there hasn't been any sucess yet. There really is nothing like paying 15% of $5000 for an installation/service maintenance fee and watching the guy shrug his shoulders and yell obscenities. He became rather upset with me when I started laughing at him, so I decided to stay out of his way. I'm not sure why, but it seems that not everyone is appreciative of my sense of humor. How could that be!?

In defense to Fore, the installer was actually from an authorized service/installer named Platinum Networks.

I have known John since sometime in Junior High School. I think we have always had this great knack to identify the one thing in people that really irks them, and then, of course, we exploit it. Hey, what I can I say, its a true talent. Its good to be the wise guy.

If John doesn’t keep his nose clean, I’m going to scan some pictures from the old days. That should shut him up!

This evening an ignorant, unintelligible, fool came into my store and demanded something that was just as outrageous as it was impossible. What he wanted is not really important to the story. After I kindly explained that what he wanted was both unfounded as well as unachievable, he decided to launch his own little tirade. After using every foul word in the English language twice, as well as combining them in some approach that even I haven’t thought of, he stormed around and spat on the floor. Then he referred to my dear sweet mother in a few situations that should never be repeated. Now to my point, which again is scattered.

He had his son with him who was about seven or eight years old. After his father had just screamed his little head off at me this young gentleman looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I’m sowwy about my dad."

Heh heh #1.

After I basically told him to dream his little dream elsewhere, he then asked, "Since I am buying two, can you throw some batteries or some tapes in with the deal?"

Heh heh #2.

I know it may be foggy at times, but here comes my point. Where else does this bartering crapola happen? Do people take a trip to the grocery store and ask the clerk, "Hey buddy, since I am buying two of these Oven Roaster Turkeys, do you think you could throw in some free stuffing or a can or two of gravy?" Or "I think that price on this roll of paper towels is a little high, can you do any better on this?"

I implore you to try it and let me know what responses you receive. So why does this seem to be acceptable to try and screw a nice electronics salesman? I have the answer.

It’s that whole Name-and-Address thing isn’t it.

This little vacation is definitely what I needed. Time to relax and unwind and remember what college life used to be like. I remember this morning at around 2:00am looking at a pile of empty beer cans thinking, "Man, this place is really a mess." At that point it didn't really seem to matter. My next thought was, "Life just doesn't get any better then this."

"I won’t let go of that youthful soul, despite body and mind, my youth will never die."

A student walked into my office, to which I didn't take notice. I, as usual, had WinAmp turned as loud as my PC speakers could handle. As I switched to the Blogger front page, the student tapped me on the shoulder.

He had a very curious, but serious look on his face. Of course his first question was, "What is a blogger?"

Then it hit me, at that very moment, I could have invited this unsuspecting, innocent student into my sick underground world of stupidity and insanity with just a word. So I did the smart thing and answered, "You never saw that. You were never here."

Now to the serious stuff; again. Have you ever had an alarm clock laugh at you? As soon as I walk through the door I check out the time on my trusty clock and it is sitting there with grin on it. I ask it “What the heck are you smiling at?”
The clock answers, “Ohhh, I can hardly wait until 6:00am tomorrow morning, because I am going to yell at you!”
I answer, “Yeh, well that is why the good Lord invented the snooze button.” God bless, and thanks for all You have given me.